It's easy to see how relationships can take over all aspects of our lives, and we can become completely wrapped up in them. When things are going well, our happiness revolves around the fact that we have a wonderful partner who enriches our lives and makes everything better. When things take a turn for the worse, everything in our world seems to darken due to that disconnection from the one person we value the most. When breakups happen, it often takes a significant amount of time to adjust and come to grips with all those new feelings.
A breakup is almost always devastating, no matter which side of the table you're on. You've invested time, energy and emotion in this person. Your ideas for the future included them, and often all of your hopes seemed to rest on their shoulders. Even if the breakup is something you agree with, it can be difficult to come to terms with the reality of a shifting situation. Everything in your life can feel drastically different all of a sudden. You don't have someone built-in to turn to when things go awry. There won't be someone to come home to and talk to when you've had a rough day at work. You can't depend on your boyfriend for support.
It's normal to question the events leading up to a breakup as well as the feelings that surround one that's occurring. It's normal to wonder if you'll ever feel that sense of joy again, or if your emotions will ever get back to normal. It's often normal to wonder where things went so wrong, and what could have been done to turn the tide. It's typical to still have feelings for your ex and to still find yourself thinking of him fondly. Understanding that all of these questions are normal can be a vital step to moving forward.
After some time has passed, you may still find your mind wandering to your ex. You wonder why you're still thinking of him when it's so clearly over. Unfortunately, moving past a breakup isn't as easy as just flipping an on/off switch in your brain. Our minds and hearts process changing circumstances at their own pace, and there's no possible way to force them to speed up.
It's normal to still be thinking of your ex for a long while after the relationship has ended. Those thoughts can last for weeks, months or longer. When you've invested so much time into a relationship, that connection doesn't just fade because it didn't work out. Everyone that we allow to get close makes a significant impact on our lives and can change core aspects of our thoughts and our personalities. Your mind can go back to an ex from years ago from time to time, and that's perfectly normal. The important relationships in our lives shape who we are as individuals and it's natural to think back to turning points in our past when we examine our life as a whole. If you find yourself starting to obsess about your ex, then it can become a problem that needs to be dealt with head-on.
Regardless of how a relationship ended, it's perfectly fine to realize that your thoughts about your ex are typically positive in nature. Although bitterness is a common thread in almost any split, it fades with time. The good times generally outweigh the bad, so that's where our mind turns when we think of someone fondly. But time can also play a dangerous game with our emotions and make those positive past moments seem nearly irresistible in the present.
It's sometimes easy to forget the reasons we broke up in the first place, and desperately want to get back to the place where we felt happy, safe and secure. Be careful not to overlook the causes behind your separation in the first place. Most of the time a breakup occurs after a buildup of unresolved conflicts and unless all of those past issues have been resolved, they will rear their head again should you ever get back together with him.
Moving on completely and getting over your ex boyfriend is possible, but it takes a lot of work. The first step is to recondition your mind when he crosses into your thoughts. If you hear a song playing that reminds you of him, force your thoughts away to a task that you need to get done at work or a list of chores at home that you need to finish up. If a movie comes on that reminds you of all the time you spent together, change the channel. If he crosses your mind a lot when you're home alone, make an effort to stay occupied. Go out with friends or coworkers and enjoy yourself. Throw yourself into a hobby or start reading. Staying busy is the number one way to avoid thoughts that you'd rather not have.
If you simply can't forget your ex, you may decide that you'd like to give your relationship another chance. Before diving into this pool head first, it's important to weigh your options and consider the potential consequences. This is a huge step to take, and it is not one that should be taken lightly. All the issues that caused you to break up in the first place still exist underneath the surface, and they need to be adequately resolved before either of you have a chance at making a new relationship together work. Don't simply decide that you miss him and jump back into a relationship without giving it serious though.
Take some time to seriously think about this decision and all the implications it can have on your present and your future. When you feel stuck in nostalgia, try to force yourself to remember the realities of your former relationship. Think about how it really was, not the romanticized version that has been playing out in your head. It is your responsibility to protect your heart from potential pain, and it can be extraordinarily vulnerable when dealing with an ex. Before diving in, consider the pros and cons of getting back together, and make yourself deal with the reality of the breakup. That way you can avoid potential heartbreak and decide honestly whether giving it another shot is right for you.
Your Next Step
Understanding your emotions is only the first part. Learning to control them can be just as difficult, but it is a process that is just as important. Knowing how and when to contact him is extremely important and can alter the course that any future relationship may take. Certain strategies are extremely effective in making yourself irresistible and making sure that contacting you is his top priority.
A lot of girls make some common mistakes after a breakup. Avoiding them is crucial or you could end up pushing him farther away. It is also imperative to correctly read the signs he's sending you. Is he really into you? Or are you just seeing what you want to see? Correctly interpreting his clues is an important part of trying to get him back.
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